Car Repair Enthusiast Pillows

'Before I give you the bill, I'm supposed to ask if you'd like me to buy you dinner first.'

"Today, we're learning how to change a flat tire."

"About three o'clock yesterday it was hot as hell. The dog was panting, making those clicky-clacky noises like a dog does, ya know. Jess heard the dog, and damn it if he didn't adjust Ferguson's valves and put on a new fan belt."

Tires, Oil Changes, Dumb Bumper Stickers Removed.

"I'm done fixing your wheel, but these were left over when I got it put back together."

"Have you tried turning it on and off again..?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"Nap time."

A 1950's Barber Shop

"It's a great Fixer-Upper and this is Ken, single, available and a pretty decent handyman."

"Actually he only asked for a buff-up."

'Any day now I'll fix the roof.'

'Bad news, Dr. Treemont...It needs an engine transplant.'

'Guess what? I fixed your jack-in-the-box.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

DIY store.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Four mechanics working on a car

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

Student tower pulling along a student driver.

'It was nothing serious, just bugs in your radiator grill.'

'I haven't paid four dollars a gallon since I bought that swamp land in Florida.'

Self-Serv: Patch the road yourself.

Deux Ex Mechanic

'I always wash it before applying the turtle wax.'

'Wouldn't it be funny if it was just out of gas?'

Acme Rubber Band Co.

'That charge is for my accountant because this job is going to put me in a higher tax bracket.'

'I've done most of it - You'll only need to put it together again and make it work.'