Car Diagnostics Detective T-Shirts

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

A guy in the desert changing a flat tire, while the spare tire also get damaged.

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

Researchers find proof that the legendary lead foot exists.

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

Think Zero Defects

"You fix it by buying a new one."

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'Dad put that sign there to keep tabs on my driving!'

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'