Car Detective T-Shirts

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

Unusual Offers

'Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?'

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'But what do you sell?'

Devil in the detail

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

When pedants take a break.

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Violence on TV.

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

Forward Planning - The key to Success

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

Researchers find proof that the legendary lead foot exists.

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

'There's only one piece left. C'mon, we can figure this out.'

'Dad put that sign there to keep tabs on my driving!'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."