Car Condemnmaster Gifts

Typical 'Faux pas Four'.

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

Devil driving a convertible with many tailpipes

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

Tearful Violinist

"Been shopping all day - it's not my legs that are tired, it's my fingers!"

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

"I want you to share any concerns you have about customer care and I'll see if I can do anything about your whining not completely destroying your career."

Complaint Department worker. 'Gosh, I'm good at this job!'

"So, once again, Mrs Smith, it's grab handle, grip firmly, and pull straight towards you..."

"I got this auto tint from Ralphie for only 5 bucks! It's like sunglasses for your car!"

Dieselgate....

'This is not a ticket. It's just a piece of paper we decided to put on your car. - Police Dept.'

My first name is 'sit' and my last name is 'stay'.'

An off-road vehicle driving across the tops of other vehicles (ie, off-road) to avoisd a traffic jam.

'Stop at the next chemist please, I've run out of tranquillizers.'

"If you still don't know how to merge your vehicle properly, play with a zipper for a few hours and you'll figure it out."

"I think we have the part. What model is it?"

Eyewash.

"I'm a master at taking risks but Smith here is even better at handling consequences."

"Hold on buddy, I almost have it."

"Can't this wait 'till I get home, honey?"

"Everything."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'