Canvas Collector Gifts

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

'What do you do for a living?'

'We must be early. It hasn't started yet.'

Instant art

"Well, okay. You can have it for a thousand pounds if you want, but wouldn't you like me to paint something on it first?"

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

(Camel paintings)

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Art Plagiarism

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

"It's called 'Sold'."

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

How Art Works.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

As you like it - One way of catching fish

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'How old is this vase?'