Cannonball Critic Gifts

If you're going to scream every time a kid yells cannonball, you're not coming with me anymore.

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

The Perfect Cannonball

"You know damn well what noise!"

'Your father and I support your career aspirations, but we feel you need a new practice space.'

Tank driver wielding a slingshot.

Turnkey Totalitarianism

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'Which one has the highest alcohol content?' 'That one.'

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'Yo! No cannonballs!'

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

With the exception of the cold coffee and poor selection of donuts, I think the meeting went well.

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

"You must be the cannon cleaner."

"What's it going to take to put you in one of these babies?"

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"I keep thinking how much pleasanter New York would be without Ed, Donald, and George."

"I never use ice anymore since hearing about the endangered glaciers."

Hitting a Brick Wall.

"I'm supposed to be someplace downtown right now, sucking the air out of the room."

Light Artillery

I've got the travel agent on the line... Remember to tell him there's not enough mint in the Pimms!

"Something age appropriate."

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

"Well, that's not where my north is."

"I was new money till they initiated the anti counterfeiting measures."

'Closer... closer...'