Canine Medical Detective Gifts

'Let's see...fever, rhinorrhea, chorea...Aha! canine distemper!'

Barks in code.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'So who needs sonar?!'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"What's all this?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

Clandestine cows.

"Now how did she know?"

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

Fido and Fifi

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"That's why I don't use those dog carriers."

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"