Canine-counsel T-Shirts

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

Good Dog!

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

'Are you serious? I've got a good mind to report you to the grievance commitee'

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'And this bone, would you say he wanted to pick it for quite some time?'

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

"Well, when you were called a 'bad dog,' were you publicly harmed?"

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

"Your test results are in. You've got Irritable Growl Syndrome."

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

'Don't you think you're spoiling that dog,Dorothy?'

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

'You're allowed up on the couch.'