Canine-counsel T-Shirts

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

"Is your dog friendly?!"

Your witness, Mr. Fusco. I would hope so, your honor

Good Dog!

'Are you serious? I've got a good mind to report you to the grievance commitee'

"Your test results are in. You've got Irritable Growl Syndrome."

'And this bone, would you say he wanted to pick it for quite some time?'

"Well, when you were called a 'bad dog,' were you publicly harmed?"

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Fido phones

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."