Canine Consultant T-Shirts

"He said eat some grass and call him in the morning."

"The Hodal deal ….. It doesn't pass the smell test."

"Any other suggestions?"

"According to my recent poll your approval rating has dropped since you started chewing slippers."

So your idea is that we reorientate our global production to place more emphasis on small chewy things that taste of meat...EVERYBODY'S opinion is of value( even if some may be of more use than others)

'And this is Mr Blagstock our chief salesman.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

Marv was trying to teach Rufus how to be a REAL retriever.

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

STRIP Hambone: 'He refuses to come in'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"Fetch! What about a please?"

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

The pet elevator: Because sometimes the pet steps are just too much work.

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"So far, I've taught him to fetch."

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."