Canine Consultants T-Shirts

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Have you tried biting him?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

Marv was trying to teach Rufus how to be a REAL retriever.

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

STRIP Hambone: 'He refuses to come in'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"Fetch! What about a please?"

The pet elevator: Because sometimes the pet steps are just too much work.

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

Dog's Loo

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

"Should I tell her I'm a PTSD support dog specializing in disease and illegal drug scent detection?" "Should I tell him his ear's inside out?"

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'If I am a bad dog, it's because you never took time to teach me right from wrong.'

"So far, I've taught him to fetch."

"Sit!"