Animal Consultant T-Shirts

'Dr. Griggs here specializes in anthropomorphic pets.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Can I call you back? I've got a situation here."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

Farmers' Warnings.

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

'Rasputin has been declawed: Pass it on...'

Genetically-Modified Foods: Are they safe?

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

'I'm sure he thinks he's a parrot!'

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

Ophiologist

Rancher builds fence around angry bull.

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'Now tell me about your puppyhood.'

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

Fido phones