Doggie Counselor T-Shirts

"Have you tried biting him?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm referring you to another therapy dog."

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

'They should have extra-small thermometers for Yorkies, Doctor!'

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"I'd like to help him, but honestly I have no idea who the good boy is."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"Why so sad, Pal?"