Canine Conspiracist Pillows

"The human is back - act normal."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'Tell me where she hides the treats and I'll get you a straw.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

I was just watching a Youtube video called "How a Lack of Bird Poop Proved the Big Bang." It wan about how removing all sources of interference from a huge radiation detector led to the discovery of cosmic background radiation. They'd removed everything that might've been messing up the readings, and the last thing they removed was bird droppings. Then they knew the signals were real, and from space. I'm gonna have to watch that for myself, I'm not sure you've got all the details right. I was di

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

"We get in, we go down, we walk to the Park. I do my business; we're in and out in ten minutes. Anyone asks, you're with me."

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

Doggy Peer Pressure

"You're the one with the fancy forensic psychology degree; you tell me which one of them did it."

'So, the rumours are true! You have been friendly with the Postman! My own son! Shame on you!'

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

Here lie the earthly remains of Cal Can, beloved town dogcatcher.

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

'There's probably no dog.'

Translation: "Let's turn off the invisibility shield just long enough to freak 'em out."

'Look out - a snooper from Environmental Health.'

'...and God created canine in his own image.'

Honest Harry's Last Chance Pet Adoption...

'Stop Fred, don't taunt this one: He's a guide dog...'

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

"Here's some money and a passport. They'll be looking for you so head to to the border and good luck."

'What have you done with the dog, Fred?'

'We've just been declawed and a new couch is delivered: Not a coincidence if you ask me...'

They trained him to play dead. I think it's some sort of insurance scam!