Cat Conspiracy Theorist Pillows

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Well, so much for that theory!'

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"The human is back - act normal."

"I did the math, and I'm telling you I have two left!"

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

Fight-or-Flight Response Study Commission.

"Good luck with your interview. And remember, they can't discriminate based on how many lives you have left."

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

I rented a car from Hertz the other day, and there was a camera in it. Really? Someone forgot their camera? No, I mean in the dashboard. There was a little camera pointed at me. I have no idea who or what was watching me. Maybe it was Hertz. Maybe it was the NSA. Maybe it was for American Idol auditions. To cover all my bases, I sang the Star-Spangled Banner the whole drive. I'm never renting from Hertz again.

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

'Watch her, she's a whistle blower!'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

I know this is the first day of the rest of my life, but if were a cat, and I had nine lives, would that make this the first life of the rest of my day

"I guess I could include the box... But why would you want it, Mr. Schrödinger?"

'I told you to keep quiet about not liking cats...' (Animal Rights protesters outside the house)

'That's the problem with cats - they can be so destructive.'

The Truth about J.D.'s hatred of Cats.

"Wow, grandma. What big video surveillance files you uploaded of me on my way to your house."

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

Cat Philosophy

"Here's some money and a passport. They'll be looking for you so head to to the border and good luck."

"You've got nine lives? Well then, you're going to need nine life insurance policies!"

They trained him to play dead. I think it's some sort of insurance scam!

"With all the hacking going on, it sure looks like a Russian spy-drone to me."

Evil Pusskins#4

I have no space to 'think outside the box'."

We have your dog

"Tell him I'll pay! On my Mother's nine lives I swear I'll pay!!"