Candy Critics T-Shirts

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

"I'm concerned about the kids diet."

The Devil has the best Tunes. Jesus says: 'Oooh, cherry menthol flavour.'

"We're not getting too many kids this year."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

An historic event in Candyland: When M met M

'Take two tootsie rolls and call me in the morning.'

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

'You've got to help me, Doc! I've got a crush on St. Valentine all Year!!'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

Whale Piñata.

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"I'm not going to try and sugarcoat this..."

"In a move sure to revolutionize the industry, Lincoln Middle School is using Halloween candy energy levels to offset costs in November, December and January."

Who stole my candy?

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

Call it Tough Love.

"The cookies are always stale."

"It's marzipan pigs."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

Easter Bunny!

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'Hey, wait a minute!'

"My parents are always complaining about my sweet tooth, but do they ever have a nice word to say about my wisdom tooth?"

Pick Me Ups.

'To attract the most talented spies we're changing our package . . . to jammie dodgers and a gobstopper.'