Cancer Treatment Gifts

Chemotherapy.

'Nurse! With this chemo cocktail, get me some mixed nuts and pretzels!'

"Of course there is nothing wrong with your arm, but it will keep people from focusing on your cancer treatment."

The Chemo Diet

"Mary, this is what we use to fight 'U-TURN' cancer."

Female chemotherapy warrior.

"They got it all 'Chemosabe'."

"Which would be better - to suffer a slowly rising PSA... or the quick bite of an ASP?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Our war is against cancer."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

The trauma of losing.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)