Can Opener Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Aye, now that I'm retired, the can opener seemed more practical."

Tartine

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Canape?

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

Pet Entertainers

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Dog Walker

Shaved Ice

With Compliments

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

"You know damn well what noise!"

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Christmas Canapes

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

C Day Lewis.

Bleak House

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

Rishi Sunak

Book Store. I'm looking for a book on remodeling kitchen cabinets. Ah --- A "shelf-improvement" book!

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"