Campus Commander Gifts

Help Wanted: UC President

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

Second lifeReal life.

Infantry.

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

The Giamatti era

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

Nervous Student

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

Teacher's pet dog

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

Sailing enthusiast brings his hobby to his office.

'We're not interested in loyalty,but we do value obedience.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

The Ideal Teacher.

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Lacks Structure and Meaning

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

'Parents have been complaining that I'm too strict? You want me to be a little less intimidating? Do you want me to send students to your office 47 times a day? I'm a 67-year-old woman dealing with 16-year-old thugs....

Directors Chair and Others.

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'