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'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

Second lifeReal life.

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

The Giamatti era

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

Nervous Student

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

Teacher's pet dog

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

Sailing enthusiast brings his hobby to his office.

'We're not interested in loyalty,but we do value obedience.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

The Ideal Teacher.

'Parents have been complaining that I'm too strict? You want me to be a little less intimidating? Do you want me to send students to your office 47 times a day? I'm a 67-year-old woman dealing with 16-year-old thugs....

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

Lacks Structure and Meaning

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Directors Chair and Others.

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"So, Mrs. Miller, would you tell me briefly your methods for teaching reading, your overall philosophy of education, your views on testing, your ideas on discipline, your opinions about homework, the ways you could excite kids about science, and how you would upgrade math skills in our school should you be hired?"

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'