Campaign Tactician Pillows

"Good boy."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'If only every year was an election year.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Carrot VS Stick

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

"With great power comes great reward."

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

The Election Strategy

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

vote

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

ISIS needle in a haystack.

The Wall St. 'fat cats' are going to pay for this mess. And that payment will come in the form of a contribution to my re-election campaign.

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"If talk is cheap, why do candidates need super PACs to finance elections?"

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

Approved Debate Questions

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

Trump promises versus reality.

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

"He's coming across as Reaganish but not Reaganesque."

Vote For Me: The winning over of voters.

"It's perfectly okay, officer. I'm a lobbyist!"

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."