Campaign Tactician Pillows

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"Good boy."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'If only every year was an election year.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Carrot VS Stick

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

Debating Society. I can accept that money is speech as long as we can agree that some spending is like yelling fire in a theater.

"With great power comes great reward."

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

The Election Strategy

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

Cherchez la femme

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

Trump promises versus reality.

Approved Debate Questions

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

vote

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

News and Magazines. Campaign Fundraising Heats Up. It says this election cycle is expected to break all records in the amount of money spent on free speech.

ISIS needle in a haystack.

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"If talk is cheap, why do candidates need super PACs to finance elections?"

The Wall St. 'fat cats' are going to pay for this mess. And that payment will come in the form of a contribution to my re-election campaign.

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

Vote For Me: The winning over of voters.

"It's perfectly okay, officer. I'm a lobbyist!"

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."