Campaign Strategist Gifts

"You can't please all the people all the time, so you might as well please the pharmaceutical lobby."

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

"It's a good speech - just a couple of points that need obfuscation."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"I have a jobs plan! First, I'd fire all the incumbent's relatives. Then I'd replace them with my relatives."

"Now you kids play nice. No dirty stuff." Sure...That'll Happen.

This year, I'm buying him a seat in the legislature.

"Never mind, darling, at least you can stop telling lies now."

"The doctor says it's post election stress disorder..."

'I have decided not to run for re-election, so I can spend more time with my legal defense team.'

A billboard that reads "Elect Fletcher Hopwith - Candidate of the media".

"If I promise to take you on a fact-finding junket to Bermuda, I'll have to promise to take every voter to Bermuda."

'They're going after the independent vote.'

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

Oh, the usual...another Friday, another document dump.

Joe bin Laden

Trump's return

"2,737,134,426,901 national political spam texts"

News and Magazines. Campaign Fundraising Heats Up. It says this election cycle is expected to break all records in the amount of money spent on free speech.

Senator Kamala Harris isn't exactly winning over progressives, she's refusing to refuse giant corporate donations. Progressives hate that. She said as long as we have rules that make us disclose the donors, then the voters will know, and so what's the problem? Sound logic. Voting for her anyway doesn't mean we refuse her for refusing to refuse them. I suspect if we accept that she accepts bribes, that just means we're neglecting to inspect our elected. Fine, except I expect you to accept that I

Hades Brainstorming Session. What if we put a TV in every room, but all it shows is campaign commercials?

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

Campaign Office. Help! I've fallen in the polls and I can't get up!

"I nearly drowned and my tory leadership promotional video flashed before my eyes."

Cherchez la femme

Politics is the art of telling everyone you'll do everything while doing nothing.

A New Plan for Mike Bloomberg: Stay inside

The "Resistance" Is Nothing More Than a Democratic Fundraising Campaign

Best System Ever

"You're not there yet, but keep going. You've got to find something the voters like."

A helicopter campaign for a political candidate is shot down by a helicopter campaigning for a rival candidate.

"He's coming across as Reaganish but not Reaganesque."

"Well, no, it's not a very big country, but then you didn't give THAT much to the campaign, did you?"

A church with a sign that reads "No electioneering beyond this point".

"Trust me, at this point it's the only way we can boost your numbers on likability."