Calorie-counting Queen Gifts

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

All Natural Nothing

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'