Calorie Counter With A Conscience Pillows

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Secretive Weigh In.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Dieting Motivation.

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.