Calorie-conscious Sipper Pillows

"The beer has a third less calories and the styrofoam peanuts have none."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

We'll have Manhattans...

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"You had me at alternative milk."

Anton's Bar and Grill

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Velvety. And so was the wine.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Wine not?"

Can I get you another coffee?

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

'I feel totally connected now that I can order liquor and attend meetings on the internet.'

The youth shows responsibility!

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

Scariest Tactics

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

Walking here to the tavern allows me to decrease my carbon footprint and increase my bourbon footprint.

New for Fall

"Are you looking for 'drinks and nibbles' beer, 'I don't really drink beer' beer, or good old fashioned 'gidday mate' beer?"

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."

"The great is $54.99, and I do have a near-great for $23.99."