Calmness Chaser Gifts

"Picture yourself in a calm and serene oasis where you can't smell Bryce's feet."

The Yoga Center. Positions available.

'Wait til you see what fishing does for your nerves, Alice.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Muzak's Top 10

'So, your anger management class is working?'

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

"Behold my perfect window of existence, when I'm neither trying to wake up nor falling asleep."

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

Sea of Tranquillity

Calm in the Face of Chaos