Calm Chaser Gifts

'If you think he's obnoxious now, you should have heard him before he started taking Prozac!'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

Letter writing lady.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

Tango

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'Wait til you see what fishing does for your nerves, Alice.'

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

Muzak's Top 10

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

Fortune teller describes to angler the size of the fish he's going to catch.

Yep, you get to a certain age and you just want to fly south for the winter.

Sea of Tranquillity

"Behold my perfect window of existence, when I'm neither trying to wake up nor falling asleep."

Man on motorbike.

"Well, sometimes I'll just hang around and do nothing. Oh wait, that's all the time."

'Why don't we slip into something a little more comfortable...like the leisure section.'

Athlete being chased by a dog.

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."

"No, there's nothing wrong at my job. That's what's got me worried."