Calmness Pursuer Gifts

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

A sturdy hand-hold against the vicissitudes of life: $1.00 per minute.

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

Some of us are calm on the surface but paddling like crazy underneath, and some of us are just the opposite.

'Wait til you see what fishing does for your nerves, Alice.'

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Muzak's Top 10

Relax.

'So, your anger management class is working?'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Sea of Tranquillity

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

"You claim on your résumé that one of your skills is staying calm under stressful situations. I believe you."

"Is something bothering you?"

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."