Call Tones Gifts

"Apparently, nobody thinks my 'coughing' ringtone is funny."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Hey Joe!...Me? Oh,nothing much,just out walking the fish.And you?...'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

Your Country Needs MOO!

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'I'd love you to come round, Samantha - but I'm sipping my cocoa all ready for sleepy bo-bos.'

Cold caller.

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

'Jenny can't come to the phone, she's naked. Only joking, mate. Wrong number.'

'I'm still in conference, Miss Alsted.'

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

'It's for you.'

"Why, James. James the Munificent. How good it is to hear from you."

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

"Hi! Is this Jesus of Nazarath, son of David? This is Stan. We're family! I found you on Ancestry."

"Hey, I'd recognize your squeaky, high-pitched voice anytime."

"I'm sorry, he's not here right now, but I could get one of his socks for you."

'Not now, Harry. I'm on hold.'

You always call. Telemarketer's Mom.

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."