Call Center Comrade Gifts

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Bad dog."

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

The Communicator

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"Hello?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'I hate my life.

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

Stress

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

Your call is important to us...