Calculus Teacher Gifts

Shake well before using.

"I don't give a fig about Newton."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Math Dreams

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Pi Ala Mode.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

'Recalculating...recalculating...'

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'Maths is fun!'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"It's called geometry, Mum."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Graduation Speech.

Counting part time employees is the new math.

When Cells Divide

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Math Teacher

Staff Yearbook