Math Teacher Gifts

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'Just a darn minute ? yesterday you said that X equals two!'

5/3rds of the class don't understand a word I'm saying about fractions.

'What do you expect? My edition of the math book doesn't have the answers in it like yours does.'

'True, we have encouraged you to use your imagination, but not in math.'

Confusing equations.

Wait, what was the question again?

'My dad says fractions are obsolete since the stock market moved to decimals.'

Word problems in math class.

I want to be an accountant for the government.

'Correlation Street.'

'Do you want the correct answer or the politically correct answer?'

If/Then

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

There's supposed to be a fine line between a guess and an educated guess.

'Take my word for it. The answer is two. I'm a college graduate.'

'In the real world there is no such thing as algebra.'

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

Mathematics lesson - Equilateral triangle, isoceles triangle, obtuse triangle, and bermuda triangle.

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"What's one sixth of three quarters?" "It's so small why bother?"

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist, George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Graduation Speech.

Not-particularly-easy-listening radio.

"I was an eight, too, until the number crunchers got hold of me."

'What is a fifth part of a foot?'

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

Institute of Solid Geometry/Institute of Plane Geometry.

'I don't know oranges, give me that same problem in apples. I know apples!'

'Let's say you caught 5 fish, and I caught 3...what would we have? 'A fish fry?'

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

"Yes, Robert. Reasonable people can have different interpretations of things, but not this thing."

"How should I know? All the information is stored in a cloud somewhere."

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.