Math Teacher Gifts

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'Just a darn minute ? yesterday you said that X equals two!'

5/3rds of the class don't understand a word I'm saying about fractions.

'What do you expect? My edition of the math book doesn't have the answers in it like yours does.'

'True, we have encouraged you to use your imagination, but not in math.'

Wait, what was the question again?

Confusing equations.

'My dad says fractions are obsolete since the stock market moved to decimals.'

'Correlation Street.'

'Do you want the correct answer or the politically correct answer?'

Word problems in math class.

I want to be an accountant for the government.

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

If/Then

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist, George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Mathematics lesson - Equilateral triangle, isoceles triangle, obtuse triangle, and bermuda triangle.

'In the real world there is no such thing as algebra.'

'Take my word for it. The answer is two. I'm a college graduate.'

"What's one sixth of three quarters?" "It's so small why bother?"

Graduation Speech.

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

There's supposed to be a fine line between a guess and an educated guess.

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

Institute of Solid Geometry/Institute of Plane Geometry.

'What is a fifth part of a foot?'

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

'I don't know oranges, give me that same problem in apples. I know apples!'

"I was an eight, too, until the number crunchers got hold of me."

Not-particularly-easy-listening radio.

Counting part time employees is the new math.

"My whole life passed before my eyes except the part where I learned the multiplication tables."

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

'Just a darn minute! -- Yesterday you said that X equals two!'

Because she'd always had a crush on the handsome but stupid professor, sometimes at night she'd fix some of his more obvious computational errors.