Mathematics Instructor Gifts

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Pi Ala Mode.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'Recalculating...recalculating...'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"I know it may be wrong, but it's how I feel."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"It's called geometry, Mum."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

'Maths is fun!'

Graduation Speech.

Counting part time employees is the new math.

When Cells Divide

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

Staff Yearbook

Math Teacher