Calculus Teacher Pillows

Shake well before using.

"I don't give a fig about Newton."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Math Dreams

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Pi Ala Mode.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

'Recalculating...recalculating...'

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'Maths is fun!'

"It's called geometry, Mum."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Graduation Speech.

Counting part time employees is the new math.

When Cells Divide

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'