Calculus Professor Pillows

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Newton's Cradle Solar System

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

"Where the hell's my pocket calculator?"

Illogic Tree

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'All cats have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a cat.'

Subatomic particles

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Giamatti era

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

What Does God Know?

Fig 1. Fig 2. Fig Newton.

"Sit and stay were no problem but she's hit a wall with multivariable calculus.'

'Benjamin Franklin - the awful truth...'

Smart Bomb.

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Studying friction is a real drag."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist, George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'