Calculus Culprit Gifts

"You been a problem to us for the last time."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

Math Dreams

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

'Maths is fun!'

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Sit and stay were no problem but she's hit a wall with multivariable calculus.'

I love maths.

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'I wish there were true and false questions on math tests. At least that way I'd have a 70% chance of getting one right.'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"Be rational."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

I think I have a 45-45 chance of passing my math class.'

"But it's helping me learn my math!"

Shake well before using.

"Your calculations are right- it's our teabreak!"

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

G.P.S. for Poor Math Students

'As far as I'm concerned...mathematics is a load of rubbish.'

'Calculus is my new Versace. I get a buzz from algorithms. What's going on with me, Raymond? I'm scared.'

'Bananas...two ears...1.4 billion Chinese...you do the math!'

Watch Salesman

"I don't give a fig about Newton."

'I'll tell you why math is important - it lets us count the days till school's out!'

The dog that does the homework...

'If Leibniz found himself struggling with notation he would often break for a biscuit. Usually a fig Newton.