Caffeine Magician Gifts

Coffee Coven

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'You've had enough!'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Lazy plumber.

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

"Congratulations! You unlocked the devil in your coffee. Microwave a seventh time and you'll meet L. Ron Hubbard."

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

"Shaketh."

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

"I like to keep my option open."

"For my next trick I will turn this ordinary muffin into a delicious cupcake."

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

"I can see this prepared as quenelles de maquereau with a nice rémoulade and some herbed zucchini spirals."

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"

The Secret Formula in Coffee

"Is that decaf?"

'I'm down to one cup of coffee a day.'

"'Physick for the Cure of thy Ague'… When was the last time we cleared out this medicine cabinet?"

'... The coffee would taste like mud sir, it's fresh ground!'

'It's a popular new flavor - It tastes like you're asleep!'

Remember, Art, statistics, credits and debits are in the eye of the manipulator.

For years he had spent every free moment working on his perpetual motion machine. So far, he was up to 18 seconds.

"The accountant is here to see you Mr Smith."

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

Does THAT satisfy your commitment to the Trade Description Act?

"It's a simple recipe. Add politics to economics, you get tax law."