Caffeine-fueled Commentator Gifts

'I may not know a lot about art, but I know how to blog about it.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Sir Patrick Moore.

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

Still Coffee Runs Deep

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."

"This is gonna be great!"

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks