Cafeterias T-Shirts

A man walks past a cafeteria that has a sign in its window that reads, "Courteous and Efficient Self-Service".

Biocafeteraologist

Mission Food

"There's a fly in my soup."

"Hey, aren't you the guy who faces everyone on the elevator?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

Today's special... donuts.

Wifi in Hell

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Hats and Food

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Grandma's caf

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Cafe Burns.

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"