Cafeterias T-Shirts

A man walks past a cafeteria that has a sign in its window that reads, "Courteous and Efficient Self-Service".

Biocafeteraologist

Mission Food

"There's a fly in my soup."

"Hey, aren't you the guy who faces everyone on the elevator?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Today's special... donuts.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Hats and Food

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Grandma's caf

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Cafe Burns.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

The American Tearoom, Moscow

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Coffee Menu

"I'd say business was brisk."

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Coffee