Cafe Chat Buddy T-Shirts

'I thought I was really stuck on Richard, but it turned out it was just static cling.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'You've had enough!'

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

Getting together to chew the fat.

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

Voting on their Seats

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'So how would you like your coffee...Small, Large or Intravenous???'

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

"Life's a binge and then you diet"

No I haven't finished sulking yet!

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'Hey let's see what 'Aroma Lattes' is like, Jill! I've heard the coffee here IS to die for!'

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

'Salt and pepper spray- this is a tough joint!'

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'