Café Admirer T-Shirts

Careful, the coffee's room temperature. Beelzebrew.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

If nobody had invented graphics

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Two vegans, please."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Listen! They're playing our bong."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

Cargo Bay at Thames Warehouse

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Remarkably Richmond

Coffee

Coffee Menu

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

Sermon on the Grounds...

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Lunch

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

Hot Halloween Costumes

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers