Butty Buff Gifts

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

Before the Internet

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

"Beanirrito"

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

Of Mice and Men.

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Are laboratory grown foods the future of farming?

'Can I have flies with that'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

Switch on brain

Quiz Night...

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

"I guess one of the bunnies was a boy after all!"

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

Ginger's bakery: Our Cookies Snap!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"I can hear the sea boiling."

"Look, you bake the cookies, I eat them the system works."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

Egg Buggy

'Carrot salad, carrot casserole, carrot juice, carrot cake - I want steak!'

Big Boy Foot

Funky Facts: Elephants.