Business Reinvention Gifts

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"Are you sure you want to present your ideas in the form of an airplane?"

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

'I want to see more blue sky thinking.'

Aluminium Henge

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I shall now hand over to our guest speaker, management unit XT-56.'

"Well, Mr. Shoddy, if we were to approve your business loan, you'd really need to change the name of your company."

"Try thinking like a different brand."

'Now, for the hyperactive, we've come up with a lethargy drink.'

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

Focus Group Failures

'We can't rely upon pas successes...we have to radically restructure the way we work, change our core values and build form the ground up.'

"That 'give it away free' strategy certainly worked well."

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

Setting up companies

Paperless office.

'Dammit, Gentlemen! We need someone who's not afraid to 'poop outside the box'!'

"I brought in Ron to help us reach an untapped resource."

Out of Focus Group

'Would everyone please join hands for a moment? I'd like to try jump-starting this meeting!'

'That's Fred, the new hire. He's one of those corporate renaissance types who erases organization-chart boundaries wherever he goes!'