Business Intelligence Gifts

'Well, no, I don't see any patterns in this data, but I did see Elvis in my oatmeal this morning!'

'I don't know, I just thought my data dashboard could use some fuzzy dice.'

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"While I appreciate your offer to whack our bad data, I think a good scrub will be sufficient."

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"We tried crowdsourcing the data, but the crowd turned into an angry mob and threw bogus data at us."

Business Intelligence Unit.

'This is our Fact Table.'

'We've got a nice looking trend line here - I'd like to thank the entire team for contributing this data, including Gerald, for the outlier.'

"I feel that showing my family data reveals more than a mere photograph can convey."

"I did a quick search for my lost requirements documents and I found them right away, but how do I get rid of the ads now?"

"Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources which confirmed that the likely answer is 36....now we just need to identify the question!"

"Is there a dummy's guide for this book?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'