Business Intelligence Specialist Gifts

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'We've got a nice looking trend line here - I'd like to thank the entire team for contributing this data, including Gerald, for the outlier.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Profit

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."