Business Analysts Gifts

'The Overthrow of the Erie Ring'

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

'Our actual performance over the last quarter depends much on one's perspective. Take, for example, this perspective.'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

A planet like ours - desert piano tuner.

'Babies are tough customers. Sure, they smile a lot, but usually it's just gas.'

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

"I hate performance review season."

'How can we see our service through our client's eyes?'

'Sometimes late at night I'm not sure the leading economic indicators know where they're going,'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

'Fortunately, our decline was slowed here when the marker ran dry.'

"And this is for keeping wages down."

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

'What I like about working for Castle.com is the long term stability.'

'We had to let go of some people.'

"We only hire the lactose intolerant. They won't need the milk of human kindness."

"To meet the government requirements, I'm passing the extra costs to the consumer and our employees."

"We've been told to keep him in there until the election is down to the final two!"

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"As you can see, our market research shows that you should me spending more on market research."

"That's the craziest 1100110101001 thing I've ever heard! Pardon my binary."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our product?"

"And right here is where we got jiggy with it."

"Well ladies, from a lending standpoint your business plan looks solid, but I've got a feeling that you haven't fully researched your marketing strategy."

US Airlines on Thin Ice

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

Corporate Coffee Co.

'Any other suggestions besides blaming it on the Bossa Nova?'