Business Analytics Gifts

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Charts and Graphs Greatest Hits

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Negative bar is taped onto bar graph in business meeting.

'We're giving the market three 'reallys', today.'

Optimists have a large profits charge.

'Actually your site isn't one in a million. According to Alexa, it's more like 1 in 2.5 million.'

"... and thanks to the Great Anton with his powers of levitation, our customer intelligence numbers are up for the fourth consecutive month."

"...however..."

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"Our charts need rebooting."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'