Business Dynamics Gifts

'Normally I want results, not excuses, Higgins, but these are brilliant...'

Boss in the office with N and O written on the end of his shoes.

"Every aggressive, controversial firm needs a lightening rod, Garvey."

What do you tell someone who asks you what kind of work you do?

'The computers are down, so we'll have to choose a fall guy the old-fashioned way...picking a name out of a hat.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

Welcome to the Team

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'