Family Business Dynamics Gifts

'There's no room for nepotism in this organisation - find me some larger premises, son.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

Relationship Warning Lights

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

Children's Party

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"If we play house, Timmy, we can't live with my parents because..."

'In the interest of spending more time with my children, I've put Bobby and Emily in charge of corporate strategy.'

'Don't worry, Dad. I'm going to turn this company around 360 degrees!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."