Business Banter Lovers Pillows

'Find some people who can be the people who will be my people that get in touch with their people.'

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Office temperature.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"It all looks fine to me."

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.