Business Banter Enthusiast Pillows

'Did I put on pantyhose for this?'

'My door is always open, Collins, so feel free to leave at any time.'

"I know you 'ran' the numbers but did you 'crunch' them?"

'Not only could I replace you with a computer, I wouldn't even have to turn it on.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Boss's Desk Says No!

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

'As you know, I've always been behind you.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

'I know people who know people who can't do a damn thing for me.'

"What can you tell me about the low man on the totem pole?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"That's Sullivan. He's always kissing the boss's behind."

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"No, dad, they didn't give me a key to the executive washroom. They gave me the pin number to the unisex lounge."

Boring and unnecessary meetings

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."

'Sir, he told you to level with him, not to level him.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Name-droppers.

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, no, Miss Clark! I asked you to bring in the Mantle of Greatness, not the Cloak of Secrecy."

Executelepathy

'Will He know what this is regarding?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"